This Heart

by Nehedar

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1.
What do you dream about? you get so caught up but the bells of the city call you home... things that you might have been a carefree dancing girl but the bells of the city call you home try to be everything get in a good routine but the bells of the city call you home... get in over your head, makes you wish you were dead but there's so many things left to do if the cries turn to screams, dark malevolent dreams not even your name rings true armed and prepared to fight but you don't know which side till the bells of the city call you home building a nice career out of a life of fear but the bells of the city call you home... well you can't have it both ways baby, you know you've gotta choose you gotta jump right in not knowing if you will win or you will lose.
2.
Where you start determines how far you go And success is based just on who you know In this town, you're either up or you're down you're the king or you're just hanging around Life is cruel, to everyone but a few who gain success at the dreams they pursue Giving up, a fickle choice, sometimes wise what's the use, of a million tries? The only thing I ever thought was magic is the only thing I'll never get to be so take this world from me the droll monotony the working endlessly i'm giving up yes take it all away I don't care what you say the book of yesterday lets burn it up Everything you ever knew was a lie Everyone you ever loved's gonna die They own the world I was born in you see All they want is to rent it to me The only thing I ever thought was magic Is the only thing I'll never get to be So take this world from me.
3.
Nobody knows the reason, nobody knows the rhyme Something about the season, something about the time Here I am in the wrong place, lucky for me I'm fine Luck of the draw in some states, somebody's gonna be crying You're never alone, when misery's your home but It's not like you'll ever see The weight of your bones and all the armor that you own You're afraid to let go and feel anything Hard to protect my feelings when you disrespect my mind Identity disappearing one billboard at a time Please take it away I beg you, and I won't miss a thing I'll pray to the god of solace, and from my heart I'll sing You're never alone... We wait each day for goodness to come our way. You're never alone...
4.
I love you but you're killing me I love you get away from me I love you but you're killing me I feel older than I should be my mood can get away from me I'm jumpy and it's hard to breathe Thought I get no peace of mine, you just don't care This life hardly feels like mine All I need is somewhere I can get away I'm afraid of what's becoming I love you but you're hurting me it isn't looking good for me your apathy's a curse for me I feel put out as I can be anxiety controlling me a shell of what I used to be Thought I get no peace of mind you just don't care... The inside froze in an awkward pose, I just need some time to sort it out. They say take pills, pay someone to talk it out, I just need someplace to let it go... Though I get no peace of mind you just don't care...
5.
03:34
The way out of here is littered with dead bodies but he has no fear his eyesight is so shoddy A warriors pride dying inside and mercy is out of time They taught him to kill And he was a good student cause he had the will and training him seemed prudent Now it's too late you've sealed your fate there's nothing to do but wait I look at you I don't know you I can't see you I can't show you anything. so why even try life's misleading inconsistent and if I missed a minute I apologize I wasn't calling your name The shoes he can fill are bloody and out of date, remarkable skill to filter the world through hate It's no one's fault, we all turn to salt and we wash away to the sea I look at you I don't know you I can't see you I can't show you anything...
6.
03:03
This heart will fall apart I don't know when I can't pretend This heart won't last forever so I'm gonna feel everything until I go The heart expands and it contracts Some hearts are red, but mine is black Your arms around my soul protect, and your hands warm the skin on my neck.. This house will fall apart, don't board it up, it's standing yet but since it's only made of wood I'll cherish each moment in it I could This house is warm and it is mine weathers the storms and looks so fine someday we two will part one life ends and another will start These eyes, show me your light, I take it in, under the skin Until my little light is gone, I'll take it in, hold it and pass it on I love to look all around so full of shit that they are brown big as when I was born and they have matched every outfit that I've worn This soul is very old glad to be here for reasons unclear safe from harm and control it will be free when my body is cold each night it journeys to the sky demons will try to catch a ride and never can I say, I did this cause my soul had its way.
7.
Put on my coat and head outside I'm never going back The backwoods road that led me here I'll never walk that track again I had a feeling it was over But I had something left to say You'll understand it when you're older turn my shoulder, walk away I think of all the time that's passed since I walked through your door I gave you all I had to give but you still needed more and more I didn't even want to stay here but I grew comfortable in time just gotta find another way take some time to pray for something to call mine The grass is gone, the sky is grey but the leaves will soon return The story's not a new one, but the lesson's mine to learn. I'll learn I had a feeling it was over...
8.
Why do they tell me to go on like they think that it's worth it Why do they tell me to go on? Why do they tell me that I'm good I need to just work it Why do they tell me that I'm good? I try so hard but I'll never get nowhere Mama tell me why do I still care? Nothing is certain anymore Why try to be good now Nothing is certain anymore Is it time for the curtain or the door Don't know what I should now Cause nothing is certain anymore I try so hard but I never get nowhere... And the last thing that you want is to be perfect... And the last thing that you want is to be done There's a war inside I fight it daily with my pride Won't you tell me that you hear me Won't you tell me that I'm real Won't you tell me there's enough in me that I don't have to steal I try so hard but I never get nowhere. Mama tell me why do I still care Fools go where the cowards do not dare i try so hard but I'll never get nowhere.
9.
I guess I have friends But not when I need em I used to have friends But not so much anymore I used to have friends But I guess I didn't feed em I used to have friends But now I only have you I only have you.... We'd talk on the phone about what we're doing We'd go to the park In groups when it's nice out We would be neighbors We would be sisters Yeah I miss the days when I used to have friends I used to have... I know I'll get them all back someday When I'm not so down they'll be back to play oh fair weather friends are still better than no friends aren't they? If life was a party, I'd never be lonely But we're not that young And it's not that fun anymore I thought we were close when you came to my wedding But that was a party And now I really need more I really need...
10.
I don't care if you have a heart I don't care if you have a mind I don't care if you have the nerve to go back home... A dollar's fine Put your head in the sand know that god is in command He's in charge of this land let it be, yeah you know it'll be all right if we just think of the light, make it through another night. Sleep tight. Who will save your soul, when it comes to rock and roll hearts and minds, nickled dimed, focus grouped to the edge of life Put your head in the sand... Passion's shadow lurks in every alley, I don't pay that no mind. I won't be the fool to suffer gladly all the time I don't know but I've been told, if you take the garbage they will keep the gold Put your head in the sand...
11.
There is no point going on All of the good times are gone Even memories are disappearing one by one they fade away The forces are closing in Seems like the darkness will win All the rituals have lost their meaning, never to be seen again Peace and quiet, storm and riot, which one will it be? Love and laughter or disaster, please don't look at me. The sky is opening up, the gates of mercy have shut, all the animals have run for cover, elephants are on their knees. Pray to whoever you can, the god of kings or of man, if your legs can hold you, keep control until you see the promised land. Peace and quiet, storm and riot, which one will it be?... No matter what you do, the prophecy will come true I will wait for the sky to fall on me, I promise to wait patiently, I will wait for the sky to fall on me, I promise to wait patiently... There is no point going on... Peace and quiet, storm and riot... which one will it be?...
12.
03:32
You're not bad you're just different you're holier when you're small And the power you yield unbelievable for a girl They will say look away and avail yourself of the world But the truth is you'll never be small enough to be heard But if you saw the world through my eyes, would you smile and collect the prize? Cause it seems like something's missing inside The queen's untimely demise, do you miss her for all of the lies And a broken world that begs you to be small. Build a fire inside so bright build it so high All the borders and trenches that let you connect to the sky Is it ok to question to wrestle with your love? All the same without blame I think we've seen enough. But if you saw the world through my eyes...
13.
03:19
It's been so dark in the light of day, can't make the bad dreams go away, the more I sink the less I pray, I guess it's easier that way... Another sun another moon another rhyme another tune I close my eyes so I can't see, the truth splayed out in front me Bring it up... From the deep... Bring it up... My soul to keep... We're lost in space and we're lost in time On our deathbeds in our prime I hope they will think well of me As I decay in misery Bring it up... It can bring you down, when everybody is around... your thoughts get bound up, they get no air. And all the fear and all the pain you have to think away just hangs around another day I won't let go of childish things. We will grow into queens and kings A watered plant is sure to grow don't over water it though Bring it up...

credits

released June 11, 2013

All songs Copyright Emilia Cataldo 2013, Produced by Craig Levy at Little Pioneer Cider House, Brooklyn NY, All Music Performed by Emilia Cataldo and Craig Levy except Trumpet on Bells of the City, On Killing, I Used To Have Friends and A Dollar's Fine by Mike Shobe, Violin on Take This World, On Killing and Something to Call Mine, by Dave Keen, Violin on To Be Small by Hannah Elka Meyers, Cover Photo by David Zimand, Layout by Jacob Fine

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Nehedar New York, New York

Nehedar has 9 albums and 1 brand new EP on Bandcamp. Some live stuff on Youtube and whatnot.
Current lineup consists of songwriter/singer Emilia Cataldo, cellist/harpist Elisheva Maister and percussionist/drummer Brad Reiss.

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